Déjà vu

I drive on the A27 and then I decide to take an exit to drive through Breda, I think it is a shortcut…

But it turns out to be a longcut, although it brings back childhood memories. My grandparents used to live in Breda when I was a school kid. I remember the apartment building, it is close to my shortcut so I take a glimp into town at the right moment. I see a broad alley with on both sides a lane and in the middle a green lawn. These wide traffic area is restricted with high modern white buildings on the left side and modern lower redbricked buildings at the right side. It doesn’t bring anything back in my memory.

I drive behind an expensive black car with a silver line around the windows. Truly a black beauty. It appears that he knows his way around. So I follow him. That decision is getting me quicker out of the local traffic jam. The driver knows where to drive on the left side and when to choose for the right lane. He gets me through the city in no-time and when we get back on the highway I leave him behind me.

I drive along farmland which probably just is seeded. I see brown fields, just ploughed. The signs I pass let my mind fly back to earlier times. My brother used to live close by Bergen-op-Zoom and my current destination is just a few kilometers away from there. I enjoy the foresty environment and when the trees don’t surround me anymore it seems that my new goal is to see my brother and his family.

When he lived here, we saw each other regularly and I enjoyed to play with his little girls. I loved to tease them. His wife is a great cook and his hobby always was a source of curiosity: he bred seahorse, actually he is the most intelligent person in the world if it matters about these elegant sea animals. He is the first fish farmer who was able to not only breed little sea horses but also to keep them alive. He researched the kind of food they needed to stay alive. He caught some food fresh in the nearby sea and some food he bred himself. Me and my children enjoyed listening to his stories and watching his aquaria. There never was a dull moment.

Then I see the old manor. It is an old white beauty. I wonder what kind of rooms they house in the steeples. I drive slowly past the antique building to find a huge parking area around the corner, hidden in the bushes. The temperature still is summery. I walk to the pond where a duck decides if he needs to be afraid of me and has to run or fly or that he can trust me. He decides for the last option. The presence of the duck in the silent water transfers some tranquility. Calmly I enter the maze behind the manor to find my way to the back entrance. It is warm in the building. At the end I am glad I can escape, although it means a long journey back home.

Just being in this acquainted landscape hurt me more than I can tell. The memories are bittersweet. Driving back home late, in the dark, unaware of the people around me in their cars and invisible for them as well the tears land. In my mind I visit my beloved brother and his family. In my mind I see them playing with each other, I see them arguing with their parents and I see them fighting together, wrestling about a jacket or nail polish. I smile, luckily they are totally normal kids, but the girls become beautiful intelligent ladies too. I missed their puberty. The girls attend university , highschool and elementary school in Victoria. They are fluent in English….

Driving further away from my memories help the tears stopping from dropping. I force myself to take notice of the new signs and they bring me back home. My home is so far away from the area my brother choose to live in. it is only 16.811 km to the south east. If I bicycle 4 hours a day and 5 days a week I will be there in a year…

So, where do they live nowadays?

©MG20110420NL